| English is really crazy
There is no egg in
eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English
muffins were not invented in England or French
fries in France. Sweetmeats
are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore
its paradoxes, we find that quicksand
can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the
plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One
index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance
be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather
be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns
down. You fill in a form by
filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are
invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up
this essay, I end it.
I don't want to be just the girl you love to kiss. I don't want
to be just the girl you run back to. And I don't want you to fall back on me. I
want to be your one and only, your first choice, and the girl you're scared to
lose.
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